You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
