Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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