Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
