ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
