i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
