I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
