pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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