youre lurking in front of me
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Randomize
