Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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