shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
