just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
