how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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