end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
