maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
