dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
