I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
