I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone š
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
iām blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah itās pretty much time to go
Thanks for going with me today. Itās been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
Itās called āshopping for lingerieā and itās one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
