Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
