I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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