Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
