Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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