This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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