and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
