Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
God gave him joint rollers for hands
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
