I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
