My first STD was from a foam party
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
