Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
