yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm both gender and math confused
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
