I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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