i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
