her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
