dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You need a sexual gate keeper
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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