I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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