Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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