the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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