Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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