im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
