Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
