My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize