Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
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you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
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You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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