Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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