no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
