I'm going to jail i love you
her facebook's as public as her vagina
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
