A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
