So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
