i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
