Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
