Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
