she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
