Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
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My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
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He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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