If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
