We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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