come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
