You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
