Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
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We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
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Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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