I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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