I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
