im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
