well most of my day revolves around power hour
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My ass is underappreciated
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
