That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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