you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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