you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
