five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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