I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
