I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
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I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
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After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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