hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
