i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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