they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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