I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
