he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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