Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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