I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
