I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
