so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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