Umm I'm too high to move.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
