My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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