She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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