She said her name was "party"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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