...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
