so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
