are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just pee around me
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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